HOLLY — After years of steadily increasing demand for colorful plastic creatures capable of bending in 37 places, the Holly Farmers Market announced Thursday that it will begin phasing out traditional farmers to make room for additional 3D-printed dragon vendors.
Market officials said the decision followed months of observing customers routinely walk past tables of fresh vegetables, homemade bread, local honey and flowers before handing $45 to a man selling a three-inch rainbow dragon.
“At some point, you have to listen to what the public wants,” said Holly Farmers Market Director of 3D-Printed Fidgets Brent Spoolman. “And apparently what the public wants is another dragon.”
Beginning next season, vendors will be expected to offer articulated dragons, snakes, axolotls, dinosaurs or some other brightly colored plastic animal capable of causing a child to abruptly change direction and begin pulling on a parent’s arm.
Eight-year-old Kaylee Brimble welcomed the announcement while carrying three nearly identical dragons purchased during a single lap through the market.
“THIS ONE HAS WINGS,” Brimble said, before spotting another booth approximately 20 feet away. “OH MY GOD THEY HAVE A BLUE ONE.”
Her father, Matt Brimble, who had initially arrived hoping to purchase tomatoes, stared silently toward the parking lot.
“We already have the blue one,” he said. “We have six blue ones. I have spent $270 today and have somehow purchased one-third of a pound of plastic.”
Officials said the redesigned Farmers Market will continue to feature more than 80 unique vendors, each selling the exact same dragon in a slightly different color while patiently explaining that theirs is completely different because this one glows in the dark.
Traditional agricultural vendors will still be permitted to participate provided they modernize their offerings.
Tomatoes will be required to articulate. Sweet corn must contain at least seven movable joints. Eggs may continue to be sold so long as they crack open to reveal a smaller dragon.
Spoolman said the changes should not be interpreted as the market abandoning its agricultural roots.
“Farmers will always be an important part of the Holly Farmers Market,” he said. “We just need them to move their trucks because the dragon guy needs two more tables.”
