Holly Candidate Withdraws After Sad Clown Campaign Fails To Lift Mood
A local candidate suspended his campaign this week after voters concluded his sad clown persona had become a problem.
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Every dispatch preserved for posterity, accountability, and future historians who make several unfortunate assumptions.
Holly Man Begins Labor Day By Announcing He’s ‘Not Doing Shit Today’
Declaring shortly after breakfast that he intended to “do absolutely nothing” with his Labor Day, Holly resident Eric Brindle was observed 43 minutes later standing on a ladder with a cordless drill.
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Iranian Hackers Breach Holly Water System, Deny Responsibility For Existing Damage
A suspected Iranian cyber group successfully gained access to the Village of Holly’s water infrastructure Thursday before abandoning the operation approximately 17 minutes later.
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70 MPH Thunderstorm Triggers Sirens, Residents Demand To Know Where Tornado Is
A severe thunderstorm with winds exceeding 70 mph moved through Holly Thursday morning, activating outdoor warning sirens across Oakland County and prompting residents to begin searching for the tornado they assumed…
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Local Woman Amasses Large Collection Of Cars That Were Definitely Speeding Past Her House
After nearly eight years of careful observation, local resident Diane Mercer has assembled an extensive collection of vehicles that were definitely speeding past her house, despite having never measured the speed of any…
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Citing Budget Constraints, Village Of Holly Outsources Municipal Services To Paw Patrol
Citing continued budget constraints and the rising cost of maintaining separate municipal departments, the Village of Holly has formally outsourced several essential services to the Paw Patrol, a six-dog emergency…
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Rood Road Reopens After Two Holly Residents Who Know Each Other Finally Run Out Of Things To Talk About
Traffic resumed on Rood Rd Sunday afternoon after two local residents who recognized each other while driving in opposite directions finally exhausted every available topic of conversation, ending a roadside discussion…
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First Campaign Signs Emerge, Marking Start Of Holly’s Nine-Week Lawn Migration
The first campaign signs of the season have begun appearing across Holly, marking the start of the community’s annual nine-week lawn migration ahead of the Nov. 3 general election.
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Village Cedes Downtown Sidewalks To Roving Gang Of 10-Year-Olds On Electric Mini Bikes
The Village of Holly has formally ceded control of downtown sidewalks to a roving gang of between six and seven 10-year-olds on electric mini bikes after officials concluded the children possess superior speed, numbers…
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Holly Begins Filling Potholes With Completed Road Studies
Another lengthy public explanation of why road reconstruction does in fact require money has pushed Holly’s supply of road-related paperwork past the threshold needed to begin filling several smaller potholes.
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